tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1152206388748238749.post587888726862643179..comments2013-11-26T22:44:17.017-08:00Comments on Time For Mo: The Red Wagon. . . RevisitedReynolds Rundownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11272509344559980123noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1152206388748238749.post-37620385478352466922010-03-13T17:23:35.663-08:002010-03-13T17:23:35.663-08:00Okay here are my thoughts. GREAT story by the way!...Okay here are my thoughts. GREAT story by the way!!! I love the thought of having a good story for my kids when I move every three years! This will be PERFECT for them!!! <br /><br />my thoughts..<br /><br />1. You should refer to him as "farmer Jonas" in the end as well as in the beginning because I got to "Jonas" and I wondered who he was. <br /><br />2. Maybe Old Sophie should do something else too.. in the beginning and in the end. Just to tie up loose ends. Otherwise, I ended up feeling like I wanted to get to know funky old sophie but she was just simply mentioned for no real reason. Or you could say "sometimes someone would whistle a fun tune" or something like that. :) and cut her out completely. :)<br /><br />3. The confrontation in the end seems a little strong to me- I didn't feel like people had realy been THAT mean. Just shy. Kind of a punishment-doesn't-fit-the-crime moment..you know? Or maybe just expound on the rudeness-shyness of the townspeople a little more.. instead of saying that they didn't take well to newcomers.. you know? show it not tell it? :)<br /><br />4. I love the idea of bringing music to the people in a special box! How neat that the townspeople had never heard music before!!! Wouldn't it be fun if the people had heard the music coming from Caroline's house and THEIR feelings were hurt because Carolina hadn't told them about her music when she introduced herself?? (and that's why the kids were quiet?) and in the end, it was all just a big misunderstanding? I'm getting carried away sorry. :)<br /><br />5. The story starts off and I think it's about the village people- but then it feels like it's really about Caroline. In the end I don't think I know either of them very well. :) But that's kind of nice too- how simple it is. Just a personal preference from a grown-up I guess... <br /><br />I don't have any kids to let read it- but I was a big reader as a kid and I still read tons and tons and tons. :) <br /><br />I love love that you put together this great story!! Seriously I can't wait to see it published and I'm sincerely buying it!!! :) xxxx-- fingers and toes crossed! :)Kathhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01164856426647807169noreply@blogger.com