The Red Wagon. . . Revisited

So, I got an encouraging rejection letter from Barefoot Books. I sent them a story (my first one, so a bit rough) and though it wasn't a good fit, they liked my voice and style and asked to see other things I've done. I think this story is a better fit for them, so I'd like to submit it. But, I'd also like as many eyes on it as possible before that. Please read and read it to your kids and let me know your thoughts--and especially theirs! It is a longish picture book, meant for kids probably between ages 4-7 or so. I think the ending is a bit abrupt, but I don't want to stretch it out too long, and I like the kind of open-ended nature of the story in general. Please let me know what you think!!

The Red Wagon Revised

For Caroline. . .

This is a very belated birthday story for my niece who just turned five. I had started a princess/fairy/musketeer story, but decided to write something that spoke to the beautiful relationship between my niece and her mother. They've been through alot together and are really wonderful friends. Again--thoughts welcome!

The Red Wagon

For Mia. . .

I wrote this for my 9 year old niece, Mia. I wrote it in August and have reworked a bit since then. I'm not sure what I want to do with it, but I love Midgie and Fiona and could see them so clearly in my mind as I wrote it. I would have to seriously chop it to be a picture book, and it is a little short to be a chapter book or short novel, but I could definitely expand it. Thoughts welcome. Enjoy!

The Fairy Teller

I'm Baack!!

New computer. New year. Heck, a new friggin' decade. So why not a new post on this blog I've maintained in a love/hate sort of way. How many epiphanies can one woman have? Who knows, but I don't think I've met my quota. But, this year I'm planning on writing a lot more. I've recently started writing stories for my nieces and nephews and suddenly remembered that I love writing. I read this interview the other day with a "Movie Mom," some mom who midnights as a movie critic. When asked how she landed the job, she said that she thought the key to securing your dream job is to just start acting like you have it. So she decided to start reviewing movies as if people were going to read it, and eventually people did. Shrugging, I said, "I can do that." I've dreamed of becoming a writer, but every time I sit down to write it comes out awkward and forced and so I walk away and leave my dream on the computer screen. Noone is going to get better at writing without writing, so I used my birthday story plan as an impetus to write again. And now I'm harnessing the power of free online publishing to do the same. I'll post my stories on here and welcome lots of constructive criticism. If you just think they are horrible, keep that to yourself, these are my dreams you're messing with pal. Anyway, this blog was formerly dedicated to food and running and sugar and weight loss, but that journey is a bit too prickly and private for the electronic world. But, stories and thoughts and general word sculpture I'm game to share. We'll see how it flies. Happy New Year.

By the way--isn't that header picture cool? Totally accidental, but I think it a lovely accident.

signing off

This morning I had a really fabulous run. As opposed to paying attention to mileage as I usually do since I've been training for this half marathon, today I just went on an hour run, taking a one minute walking break every ten minutes. It was awesome. I pushed myself harder than I have in awhile on a run, and I felt great. While running I thought alot about why I wanted to do this half marathon. It costs alot of money and takes alot of time and I feel really healthy with just
5-6 mile runs. Then, I started thinking about my weight loss goals and how I am so committed to training when there is a race involved but my commitment on my weight goals ebbs and flows. So, I am saving my money on the half marathon and instead training for my weight loss goal. I want to reach my long elusive number by my birthday--November 9th. I know I have pontificated on the shallowness of a number and a timeline, but those things have really helped me and as I've tried to eliminate them lately all it has done has enabled me to sneak and lie to myself that I can eat whatever I want and still be "healthy." The fact is, I want to be thinner. There, I said it. I want to look better and feel better and as I look at pictures of me 55 pounds ago, I am so grateful that I don't look that anymore. And I want to look better than I do now. I want to finally reach this goal and feel that accomplishment that I have savored in so many other facets of life. So, that is the event I am training for. And, sorry to say, this blog won't be a part of that. I've realized that writing about this journey here has made it too much about other people and what they think rather than what I am doing with my body and why I am doing it. It has made my hyperfocus on this struggle in an unhealthy way. A few of you out there I am in touch with about our mutual goals, and I really hope we can stay in touch and motivate each other, but my days of en masse journaling are done. It is time for me to focus and do this. This is an intensely personal journey for anyone who takes it. I think getting our bodies to a place we want them is really only between us and God. I wish you all great luck with your goals and aspirations. Our bodies are the greatest gift we have. That is why we came to this earth, to gain a body, to move it, to feel it, to grow in it, and through it all to become more like our Heavenly Father. And all that takes work, focus, and faith. Eat, Pray, Move everyone. . . and keep in touch.

Ticker Evolution

I should put a huge "Thank you for your patience during our renovations" sign at the top of this blog. I am figuring things out as I go along here, and I don't know if it is totally frustrating, or perhaps oddly validating to hear about my ups and downs in this saga of health. Since my cookie splurge and subsequent floodgates of baked sweets enjoyment, I've thought more and more about my sugar free experiment. And today, as I was rereading the Word of Wisdom I had the thought that cutting out sugar completely while allowing myself lots of other junk doesn't really help me fulfill that law or tap into those promises (same link, just note verses at the bottom!) I thought, what I really need to do is focus on what I want to put in my body, rather than what I want to force myself to keep out. I think in life in general we focus far too much on what we can't do, can't eat, can't watch, can't read, and not enough on all the wonderful things we can do every day. As a mother, I look at all the things I fall short in, and don't take time to notice all the little things I do right every single day. And certainly, as parents, we often say "no" to our kids far more than we say "yes." There are so many things we can let our children do, and praise them for doing, but we often whittle our time away with them with "not yets," "don't touches," and "please stops." For my kids, I have an "Awesomeness Chart." I put a little mark on it every time they listen, do their chores, share, or just do anything awesome and good. Every tenth box, they have a star, and when they get a mark on their star, they get to pick out of their awesomeness bucket. There are no negative consequences here, just plain awesomeness. I don't take marks off when they don't listen, and if they don't do their chores, they just don't get the mark, but they don't lose anything. So, I've revolutionized my "ticker" to the right to be a form of awesomeness tracker for me. Instead of focusing my life on not eating sugar, I'm going to focus on what the Lord encourages me to focus on. I am aiming for seven servings of whole grains a day and six servings of fruits and veggies. That sounds like alot, but servings are much smaller than we think. One slice of whole wheat bread is a serving, so a sandwich knocks out two, and I think 1 cup of oatmeal is two as well. You get the idea. And sweets? Oh, they'll be there. If you decide to stop reading because you just can't handle my indecisive weak nature, I'm okay with that. Once again, I am accepting that Weight Watchers is truly a marvelous, moderate plan for me. And though I don't want to obsess over a number, that scale is a good indicator of how well I am taking care of myself. I might not lose another 15 pounds anytime soon, but I don't want to gain them either. So, this week, I will focus on filling my body with good, whole foods, and if I want a cookie, I'll have one. . . after I eat more salad. In time, I think that will get me where I want to be--which is healthy and ready for revelation.

She started it!

Linzie Smith. She's the one who gave me this crazy good chocolate chip cookie recipe that makes these mind-blowing-crispy-outside-chewy-inside-enormous-chocolatey-circles-of-heaven-things-called-cookies. I mean, what was I supposed to do? Wait a year to try it out? Try it and then ascertain if they were really all that just by my family's reaction? I mean, Daman never reacts to food nearly enough and so that would simply not give me any realistic indication. It was my duty. In my defense, I did walk to the grocery store to get the necessary butter.

I know I know. . . I am lame. I am weak. And I am kind of a hypocrite. But, do I get points for full disclosure? The sugar thing, even without the cookie(s) episode wasn't going so well. I hadn't had any other splurges, but I was eating butter on things I haven't had butter on since I was 12, just because I felt like I could and so I should. How lame is that? That isn't really healthy either. I have got to get a hang of this moderation thing. Weight Watchers really helps me with that. So, I think even with a no-sweet lifestyle I am going to have to track if I don't want to gradually creep back to the size and weight I've worked so hard to say goodbye too. But, I'm not throwing the sugar goal out the window. I feel really good when I stick to it. I feel discipline creeping into so many other facets and when I let it go, I let go of many other things too. I still want to be a natural, holistic, healthy eater, but I'm not to the point where I can do that without tracking and stay at a good weight. I still have 3 (or more after this week!) pounds to get back to my Pre-pregnancy weight, and even if I'm relaxing a bit on this longtime goal I've been dreaming of for years, I do want to get back to Pre-Emma Morgen. So, I am finishing up the cookie dough today, finding as many people as I can to eat the little discs of joy, and I say goodbye to them (again) for a year. I am sorry I let you down e-world. I wish I could say this is the last time. I think as time goes by it will get easier. . . right? right? Sigh. Let's just keep at it, shall we?