I Broke

Only two days to go and today I just about crumbled completely. This morning was a crazy one. Everyone seemed on edge and Isaac was feeding off of it by pushing me on every front. I overblended a protein shake and left it far too foamy for Daman's taste. And I was frantically trying to prepare, mentally and otherwise, for eight preschoolers to descend on our home. Do you think that cayenne lemonade was a soothing option in these circumstances? Right. The children arrived and chaos ensued. When I stay calm they are so much better, but I was nowhere near zen today and they seem to smell fear and fatigue and so shift into hyper gear. We were learning about colonial life. We made Jonny cakes and went outside to try to recreate some colonial chores--i.e. gathering sticks and pretending to feed chickens all while staring longingly at a trampoline. Then we returned inside to practice our sewing. All this time I am saying the same things far too many times and looking longingly at the valentine chocolates. Still, I was strong. But, in the end, after toting Emma around while herding five year olds was just too much. I ate a slice of Jonny cake. I hang my detoxified head in shame. But, I repented by chugging two huge cups of lemon maple joy and haven't touched anything else today--even the valentine chocolates and cookies up on the top shelf. Tomorrow is my last day of only lemonade. Then I have one day of only juice and the next day I get to have salad for dinner and then I begin my new life of eating clean. I am sad that I broke down, but it does not negate that I have cleared several hurdles in the last eight days. I still feel it is quite an accomplishment. I didn't throw my lemonade out the window after my moment of weakness, nor did I splurge because I figured it was all over anyway. Those are marks of growth I think. I will finish this thing and be ready to fuel my body better than ever because of this experience. Even the Jonny cake part of it.