Saturday, August 29, 2009

signing off

This morning I had a really fabulous run. As opposed to paying attention to mileage as I usually do since I've been training for this half marathon, today I just went on an hour run, taking a one minute walking break every ten minutes. It was awesome. I pushed myself harder than I have in awhile on a run, and I felt great. While running I thought alot about why I wanted to do this half marathon. It costs alot of money and takes alot of time and I feel really healthy with just
5-6 mile runs. Then, I started thinking about my weight loss goals and how I am so committed to training when there is a race involved but my commitment on my weight goals ebbs and flows. So, I am saving my money on the half marathon and instead training for my weight loss goal. I want to reach my long elusive number by my birthday--November 9th. I know I have pontificated on the shallowness of a number and a timeline, but those things have really helped me and as I've tried to eliminate them lately all it has done has enabled me to sneak and lie to myself that I can eat whatever I want and still be "healthy." The fact is, I want to be thinner. There, I said it. I want to look better and feel better and as I look at pictures of me 55 pounds ago, I am so grateful that I don't look that anymore. And I want to look better than I do now. I want to finally reach this goal and feel that accomplishment that I have savored in so many other facets of life. So, that is the event I am training for. And, sorry to say, this blog won't be a part of that. I've realized that writing about this journey here has made it too much about other people and what they think rather than what I am doing with my body and why I am doing it. It has made my hyperfocus on this struggle in an unhealthy way. A few of you out there I am in touch with about our mutual goals, and I really hope we can stay in touch and motivate each other, but my days of en masse journaling are done. It is time for me to focus and do this. This is an intensely personal journey for anyone who takes it. I think getting our bodies to a place we want them is really only between us and God. I wish you all great luck with your goals and aspirations. Our bodies are the greatest gift we have. That is why we came to this earth, to gain a body, to move it, to feel it, to grow in it, and through it all to become more like our Heavenly Father. And all that takes work, focus, and faith. Eat, Pray, Move everyone. . . and keep in touch.

1 comment:

  1. Good for you Morgan!! I'll be following your other blogs and sorry if I anti-contributed to your goals in any way. That makes me a bad friend. :)