Friday, February 20, 2009

This Is It

Today is my last day of lemonade!! Yesterday I flubbed, but today will be a perfect day of purely lemonade consumption. Then I get a day and a half of juice and come Sunday evening I am dreaming up on incredible salad. Then Monday kicks of my "Eat Clean" diet and 30 days of "shredding" with my Jillian Michael's workout cd. Maybe I should do some before and after pics on this blog to keep me motivated. In just the last few days I have started to see a physical difference since starting the detox process. My stomach is definitely flatter, but I also just had a baby and so everything is shrinking back to normal anyway. It doesn't really matter, as I wasn't doing it as a weight loss thing, really a mental cleansing as much as a physical one. I've decided to do it every six months, over General Conference weekend. I think that will be a wonderful time to "detox" physically and spiritually and help me get in a good place for summertime and holiday eating. And now I think I'll mix up my final batch of lemon-maple-cayenne magic.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I Broke

Only two days to go and today I just about crumbled completely. This morning was a crazy one. Everyone seemed on edge and Isaac was feeding off of it by pushing me on every front. I overblended a protein shake and left it far too foamy for Daman's taste. And I was frantically trying to prepare, mentally and otherwise, for eight preschoolers to descend on our home. Do you think that cayenne lemonade was a soothing option in these circumstances? Right. The children arrived and chaos ensued. When I stay calm they are so much better, but I was nowhere near zen today and they seem to smell fear and fatigue and so shift into hyper gear. We were learning about colonial life. We made Jonny cakes and went outside to try to recreate some colonial chores--i.e. gathering sticks and pretending to feed chickens all while staring longingly at a trampoline. Then we returned inside to practice our sewing. All this time I am saying the same things far too many times and looking longingly at the valentine chocolates. Still, I was strong. But, in the end, after toting Emma around while herding five year olds was just too much. I ate a slice of Jonny cake. I hang my detoxified head in shame. But, I repented by chugging two huge cups of lemon maple joy and haven't touched anything else today--even the valentine chocolates and cookies up on the top shelf. Tomorrow is my last day of only lemonade. Then I have one day of only juice and the next day I get to have salad for dinner and then I begin my new life of eating clean. I am sad that I broke down, but it does not negate that I have cleared several hurdles in the last eight days. I still feel it is quite an accomplishment. I didn't throw my lemonade out the window after my moment of weakness, nor did I splurge because I figured it was all over anyway. Those are marks of growth I think. I will finish this thing and be ready to fuel my body better than ever because of this experience. Even the Jonny cake part of it.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I survived the weekend!!! Four days to go. . .

I made it through the weekend sustained only by water, lemon juice, cayenne and will power--oh and some maple syrup. I made and decorated Lucy's birthday cake without so much as one lick of icing. I survived guests who LOVE Valentine's day and so came prepared with chocolate and treats for everyone in the house. I didn't eat any ice cream in the stress induced by Daman's rockfish steaming experiment resulting in my new pyrex pan literally exploding all over our kitchen splattering oil, juice, and ginger into most nooks and crannies of our little kitchen. And, last night when I honestly thought that I would gag if I drank one more sip of spicy lemonade, I drank one more sip and I didn't eat any cookies and this morning I made another batch (less lemon this time--much better) and actually enjoyed it. So, I have only three more full days to go. Then I get two days of orange juice, a day of fruits and veggies, and then bring on the waffles for breakfast! I am still pondering how I will eat when food re-enters my life. I am thinking I will allow a refined sugar sweet once a month, though eventually I hope to get to a point where I can live without it. I think I will do this cleanse every six months to help me stay focused on my body and in a good place with food. I can't believe I've gone six days without food. Ok, I confess I made this new eggplant dish for dinner on Sunday and I was dying to know how it turned out, so I took a bite. And it was really good and noone else liked it, and now it is just going to waste because I won't be able to eat it until Monday. Oh well. I am pretty sure farmers are still growing eggplant.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Day 3--Back and Forth

One hour I feel really great. I feel in control of my body, strong, clean, and full of pep. Fast forward an hour and I am hungry, craving an apple and making a peanut butter and honey bagel for Isaac and wondering how on earth I am going to do this another week. Currently I am somewhere in the middle. I have to focus on the actual brevity of the experiment. I can do this. I went to a baby shower last night, complete with chocolate cream puffs, cake, and a really tempting fruit tray with chocolate fondu. I sipped my water and reveled in my own self control. Only about a week to go. Tonight is pizza night, tomorrow we'll have a special valentine's breakfast and this weekend we are entertaining guests. It will be a tough couple of days to be drinking lemonade. Oh well, there will be food around in a week when I am done with this and I'll have a much better relationship with it when I get there.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Day 2--Going Strong

Yesterday was my first full day of cleansing and it went surprisingly well. The salt water flush left me queasy and doubtful as to the brilliance of this plan. But, it did fill me up and squash any desire for breakfast. I was even more discouraged when I found out I had used less than half of the right amount of salt. Yikes. This morning I upped it to 1 teaspoon and it actually went down easier. Holding my nose might have helped. But, my stomach didn't feel queasy at all.
The most surprising thing is my lack of hunger. If I start to feel a little hungry, I take a shot of lemonade and instantly I feel a little bolt of energy and I am satisfied. I don't feel hungry, but I do miss tasting stuff. But, I just remind myself that I am only doing this for ten days and all the food in the world is not disappearing before then. That seems to help. I feel content that I feel myself gaining power over food, rather than the reverse that has been true for some time. I know that when this cleanse is over and I start eating again I will have greater strength in the face of temptation, because I have proven to myself that I don't need to chew to be happy. I am also enjoying the release of stress because I don't have to think about what I am going to eat. There is a certain degree of liberty found in the lack of choices. I am using this time to plan and think about how I will approach food when this experience is over. I have nine more days to go, but so far so good.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I am a mermaid. . I am a mermaid. . I am a mermaid

This is the mantra I repeated to myself this morning as I choked down my salt water flush. As part of my detox diet I have to drink a quart of water with 1/4 t. sea salt in it first thing in the morning. I tried to pretend that I was a lovely mermaid that loved nothing more than the taste of sea water in the morning. It didn't really work, but I got it down. I haven't felt too great since actually. I mixed up my lemonade for the day. Here is the recipe for 60 ounces, the prescribed daily amount:
60 oz. water
1 c. freshly squeezed lemon juice (this took awhile!)
1/2 c. Organice Grade B Pure Maple Syrup
cayenne pepper (I'm still not sure how much I'm supposed to use, I only put 1/8 t. in, but I think I'm supposed to use more. Today I am getting the official book from my sister so I can get everything right!)

That is it. That is my nourishment for the day. I just took a little sip of my lemonade and it isn't too bad, but I think that is because I didn't put enough cayenne in it. That is supposed to have some good detoxing affect, but I really don't like the spicy stuff, so I think I'll add more in gradually.

I can do anything for ten days right??

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Cleansing Eve

Not sure if anyone is even out there stumbling across this blog, but in any case I will utilize it as I embark on an adventure in detoxification. Tomorrow morning I begin my "Master Cleanse Lemonade Diet" for the next ten days. I will only consume a concoction of water, lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. Why? Because I am drowning in an overdose of stress induced sugar binging and longing to change my body, my life, and my level of discipline around all things food. A brief detox jumpstart seems to be the best plan. I am so tired of thinking about food. I am tired of trying to plan meals, journal my food, schedule my snacks, and reading every article or book that I think will have a menu plan that will bring my apetite into submission and take me to a new level of physical health. Instead I just keep breaking down and breaking into stashes of sugar and buying candy bars when I am all by myself. I have every indication of serious addiction to sugar and a generally unhealthy relationship with food. So, I think taking a ten day (at least) break from food and all its emotional strings will help me realize that I don't have to eat sugar and that snitching cookies from the deep freezer in the basement is not the only way to take a step back and release from the stress of motherhood and housekeeping. I will cleanse. I will learn to crochet. I will take deep breaths and remember that I will not die without chewable food for ten days. Then I will reward myself with a haircut and an eyebrow shaping. Sounds like a plan. We'll see how I handle the hunger.