Monday, January 12, 2009

Personal Back-Patting

I've had a few mini-triumphs today. Let's establish clearly that I am now less than one week from my due date. Friday completes my forty week incubation, though I am fully aware that the incubee (word?) could decide to wait another day. Maybe she wants to be sworn in with Obama so she is staying tight until the 20th. In any case I think it is clear that I am very very pregnant. Now, picture this very pregnant woman punching, jabbing, and squatting with vim and vigor through an entire one hour advanced Tae Bo workout video. Perhaps my form was not at its highest--neither were my kicks. But, as I finished up the "butt-burning" section of the workout I had a clear memory of trying to endure this same video with my college roomates several years back. Our goal at the time was just to finish it--a goal I never really achieved at that time. I felt a glow of pride as I realized that I have physically progressed to a point where, 9 months pregnant, I can finish a workout I couldn't six years ago. That felt good. It also felt really good when I took Lucy to a little concert this morning at a local coffee spot and was up dancing and jumping with her. The dancing felt good, but what felt downright splendid was the reaction of the women when they asked about my due date and I could answer casually, "Friday." The shocked responses were just wonderful. "What!?!" "You look amazing!" "I can't believe you still have energy!" I must admit it did this fragile pregnant ego some good. I don't mean to boast or brag, but it is these moments that remind me that I have come so far and I can happily focus on that rather than think about how far I want to go. I think remembering the success of the journey thusfar is key in the journey that lies ahead. Self Back Pat complete.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Food Does Not Fix Fatigue

I have tried this. The other night Isaac kept me up until 3am and the next day, dragging does not even do justice to my speed level. And so, I wandered about the kitchen looking for the next snack that would give me energy and patience and the ability to not growl at Isaac every time he asked for something. I didn't find it. And, I justified not writing anything down because I had such a rotten night. Strike two. So, I scrapped the whole day, but have recovered and am firmly back in the saddle again. Today I wrote everything down, resisted marshmallows, and even though ate a bit too much Persian food tonight, had a good long walk today and in general did pretty well. I do still have one more week of pregnancy to justify whatever I darn well please I imagine, but I am trying to mentally prep myself to get to work come postpartum flabbiness. I pray every day for God to prepare my body and our little girl's body for a healthy delivery and a positive breastfeeding experience. I pray that my body will create the milk and she will be prepared to take full advantage of it. Miracles do happen. Like having a baby on my due date. . . that would be a really nice miracle.

Monday, January 5, 2009


I have decided to go with the plan that has brought me the most success to date--Weight Watchers. I've lost sixty pounds following it and I think it will get me to my goal this year if I am more careful and strict with myself. Usually, once I get closer I kind of fudge the measurements or sneak bites here and there and figure my level of exercise will make up for it. But, I believe that if I work the plan fastidiously it will bring results, as well as a lifestyle of moderation that is the goal. Mentally, it is also much easier for me to imagine adopting for the rest of my life. I can eat ice cream, or brownies, or enjoy treats at a book club meeting. I just need to make myself write it down and become an aware eater, instead of meandering through the day grazing at will and estimating how I'm doing. The idea of never eating Maggie Moo's again is just too too much.
This morning I had a wonderful scripture study. I am teaching a short class on Thursday night at church about fitting health and fitness in and I've had a hard time pegging down my approach. This morning I learned alot about Christ's character and how part of His perfection is that He has subdued all things unto himself. He is the model of temperance and moderation. I also learned about how true joy is only possible when the spirit and the body are united. We cannot reach real happiness if we are only focusing on one side of the equation. Our bodies need nourishment and deserve time and I don't do myself any favors if I ignore my body while hitting every other spiritual mark. Every day I must read, pray, and move. Then my spirit and body will progress together and my soul will feel true happiness.
So far today I've done pretty well tracking everything, even the brownie I indulged in after lunch. I figure since I'm having beans and rice for dinner it should even itself out.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Happy New Year

I'm not sure if anyone out there will be reading this, but I wanted a way to chronicle what I hope will be a year of important strides in personal growth. President Uchtdorf, when he spoke to all the women of Relief Society, focused on two key elements of Godlike happiness: creation and compassion. In a couple of weeks (or any day now!) I will be privileged to participate in the creation of life. Squirming in me is our third child. She is a real person, complete with everything that she will need for life. Her Spirit is in her. Her personality is waiting to join and change our family forever. I am thrilled and honored to be a co-creator with God as a mother. However, I also want to focus on a different type of creation this year. I want to re-recreate myself. I want to take this year as a time to focus on my health and my body, replacing bad habits and becoming the person I envision within myself. I've come so far already on this journey. As I look at pictures of myself I realize how much I've changed. I've lost almost sixty pounds in the last few years, I've run a marathon, and now I think Cookie Crisp is way too sweet. These are pretty fundamental changes, but I think there is another level which this year I hope to achieve. And I hope to achieve it for me. I want to glorify God through my body. I want to show Him how grateful I am for this strong healthy body. I want to follow Christ's example of discipline in all areas of life. I feel that my struggle with weight and food has been a stumbling block in my journey to Christ and I hope this year to focus on removing it and while creating a new body also creating a new relationship with my Savior. I'm not sure still of the best plan for these goals. I've had great success with Weight Watchers, but using it still hasn't gotten me to my real weight goal. But, that is probably because as I've gotten closer and closer I've gotten sloppier and sloppier with following it strictly. I was planning on having a sweet-free Christmas season, but was undone by fudge, caramels, and anything that Heather Palmer made. I had decided on a few set rules, such as no sweets, but I wonder if that is setting me up for failure and disappointment and not really helping me change in long term ways. I envision myself being disciplined and capable of moderation in all things, and sometimes when I set hard and fast rules, such as no sweets at all, the slightest slip sets me into a vortex of indulgement and I abandon ship for awhile. So, perhaps the Weight Watchers lifestyle is the best, it has certainly been the most successful to date. But, it is a new day, and every day brings creation. Every day I can create what I want to be and how I want to live, feel, and eat. That is something that makes me like God, and if every day I can remember that my body deserves time and dedication and I am worth what that entails, then in twelve months I think I will emerge closer to the Savior and closer to the Morgen I picture in my mind.