Sunday, January 4, 2009
Happy New Year
I'm not sure if anyone out there will be reading this, but I wanted a way to chronicle what I hope will be a year of important strides in personal growth. President Uchtdorf, when he spoke to all the women of Relief Society, focused on two key elements of Godlike happiness: creation and compassion. In a couple of weeks (or any day now!) I will be privileged to participate in the creation of life. Squirming in me is our third child. She is a real person, complete with everything that she will need for life. Her Spirit is in her. Her personality is waiting to join and change our family forever. I am thrilled and honored to be a co-creator with God as a mother. However, I also want to focus on a different type of creation this year. I want to re-recreate myself. I want to take this year as a time to focus on my health and my body, replacing bad habits and becoming the person I envision within myself. I've come so far already on this journey. As I look at pictures of myself I realize how much I've changed. I've lost almost sixty pounds in the last few years, I've run a marathon, and now I think Cookie Crisp is way too sweet. These are pretty fundamental changes, but I think there is another level which this year I hope to achieve. And I hope to achieve it for me. I want to glorify God through my body. I want to show Him how grateful I am for this strong healthy body. I want to follow Christ's example of discipline in all areas of life. I feel that my struggle with weight and food has been a stumbling block in my journey to Christ and I hope this year to focus on removing it and while creating a new body also creating a new relationship with my Savior. I'm not sure still of the best plan for these goals. I've had great success with Weight Watchers, but using it still hasn't gotten me to my real weight goal. But, that is probably because as I've gotten closer and closer I've gotten sloppier and sloppier with following it strictly. I was planning on having a sweet-free Christmas season, but was undone by fudge, caramels, and anything that Heather Palmer made. I had decided on a few set rules, such as no sweets, but I wonder if that is setting me up for failure and disappointment and not really helping me change in long term ways. I envision myself being disciplined and capable of moderation in all things, and sometimes when I set hard and fast rules, such as no sweets at all, the slightest slip sets me into a vortex of indulgement and I abandon ship for awhile. So, perhaps the Weight Watchers lifestyle is the best, it has certainly been the most successful to date. But, it is a new day, and every day brings creation. Every day I can create what I want to be and how I want to live, feel, and eat. That is something that makes me like God, and if every day I can remember that my body deserves time and dedication and I am worth what that entails, then in twelve months I think I will emerge closer to the Savior and closer to the Morgen I picture in my mind.