Saturday, March 13, 2010

The Red Wagon. . . Revisited

So, I got an encouraging rejection letter from Barefoot Books. I sent them a story (my first one, so a bit rough) and though it wasn't a good fit, they liked my voice and style and asked to see other things I've done. I think this story is a better fit for them, so I'd like to submit it. But, I'd also like as many eyes on it as possible before that. Please read and read it to your kids and let me know your thoughts--and especially theirs! It is a longish picture book, meant for kids probably between ages 4-7 or so. I think the ending is a bit abrupt, but I don't want to stretch it out too long, and I like the kind of open-ended nature of the story in general. Please let me know what you think!!

The Red Wagon Revised

1 comment:

  1. Okay here are my thoughts. GREAT story by the way!!! I love the thought of having a good story for my kids when I move every three years! This will be PERFECT for them!!!

    my thoughts..

    1. You should refer to him as "farmer Jonas" in the end as well as in the beginning because I got to "Jonas" and I wondered who he was.

    2. Maybe Old Sophie should do something else too.. in the beginning and in the end. Just to tie up loose ends. Otherwise, I ended up feeling like I wanted to get to know funky old sophie but she was just simply mentioned for no real reason. Or you could say "sometimes someone would whistle a fun tune" or something like that. :) and cut her out completely. :)

    3. The confrontation in the end seems a little strong to me- I didn't feel like people had realy been THAT mean. Just shy. Kind of a punishment-doesn't-fit-the-crime know? Or maybe just expound on the rudeness-shyness of the townspeople a little more.. instead of saying that they didn't take well to newcomers.. you know? show it not tell it? :)

    4. I love the idea of bringing music to the people in a special box! How neat that the townspeople had never heard music before!!! Wouldn't it be fun if the people had heard the music coming from Caroline's house and THEIR feelings were hurt because Carolina hadn't told them about her music when she introduced herself?? (and that's why the kids were quiet?) and in the end, it was all just a big misunderstanding? I'm getting carried away sorry. :)

    5. The story starts off and I think it's about the village people- but then it feels like it's really about Caroline. In the end I don't think I know either of them very well. :) But that's kind of nice too- how simple it is. Just a personal preference from a grown-up I guess...

    I don't have any kids to let read it- but I was a big reader as a kid and I still read tons and tons and tons. :)

    I love love that you put together this great story!! Seriously I can't wait to see it published and I'm sincerely buying it!!! :) xxxx-- fingers and toes crossed! :)