I've got this big elephant staring me n the face. Okay, it isn't that big. It only weighs about 22 pounds, but sometimes it feels totally insurmountable. It is me. Well, it is the extra me that has been creeping up in these last few months. And I don't like it. The thing I really don't like is that I've kicked this elephant out before.
I've lost sixty pounds. Problem is, a few of them have found me again. Last summer I found a wonderful groove and lost the last 15 pounds I thought I never would. And then. . . I freaked. Suddenly, I was on the brink of not trying to lose weight anymore, and I've never been there. I've always been trying to lose weight. So, suddenly I was trim and strong, and I was getting looks from guys at the gym, and I got really scared of that. So, I ate. And I ate some more. And over the last 9 months, I've successfully buried myself again, hidden behind extra weight and comfortable insecurities. And now I am far away from that brink and planted firmly on a slippery slope that could lead me back where I was eight years and fifty pounds ago. No way.
But, it feels so hard. It feels so impossible. It feels so. . . . slow. But, I know how to do this. I've done it before! And so, I'll start chewing the elephant. One bite, one day, one best effort at a time. Funny thing is, I look at pictures of me last summer and I realize that I was pretty hot, but at the time, all I saw was how much hotter I could be if only. . . . I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in that boat, I think that is more of a cruise ship full of people who look in the mirror and go straight to their triceps, hips, waist, you name it. Now I know that I looked good. I'll get there again. I'll come close, and I won't run away. I'll get the looks and I won't get scared. I'll buy the clothes, I'll look in the mirror, and I'll smile. And along the way I'll smile too. And I'll keep you posted.
I won't share my plan here, because everyone has their own method. The main idea? Eat less. Move more. And be patient. I'll try every day. I'll weigh every week. And this elephant will slowly disappear. And in 15 weeks when I board a cruise ship, I'll have disappeared a little too. Poor Mickey won't be able to keep his eyes off me. Daman will have to keep a very close eye on me. . . though my plan is to make that much easier for him.