Thursday, October 20, 2011

Creating a Body of Light

Confession: In the last year I have gained about 40 pounds.

Not a real secret to anyone that has seen me lately. It has been a rough year. But, I've learned some important things, and one of them is that beating myself up about it will do no good at all.

I've also learned to come to grips with my terribly unhealthy relationship with food and my body. I've hidden behind food. I've eaten out of resent. And now my body is showing that. I can't change how I've eaten in the last year. But I can change how I move forward.

This past week has had some nice changes along those lines. I have exercised every day (having a husband around to help with the kids makes this much more doable.) I've read my scriptures every day. I pray for charity and I ask for strength. I have repented for how I have treated my body, which is an inherent part of my soul. And I have prayed for both the courage and the humility to move forward and believe that I can change.

And I feel change happening. Sure, I've lost 3 pounds this week. . . which is awesome. I'm sore for the first time in many months. And I resisted pudding and caramel apples. But, more than that, I've looked in the mirror at my tight fitting clothes and I've been able to say "Yeah, I used to look better. But, I am here. Right now I am doing a really good thing." And then I do another lunge.

That is how I believe I will create a body of light. I will try every day to keep my focus on God and His glory, recognizing that to be a tool in His hands, I must be sharp, ready, and able. And my body can help me do that, or hold me back. A body of light isn't a certain size, but it does have a certain energy. An energy of joy, acceptance, and determination. I believe in that. I am trying. And I believe change will come.

1 comment:

  1. You inspire me. I find your words encouraging and uplifting (even though I know you're writing partly to yourself). I find hope there. I want to love myself and my body (which I've been at odds with since I has gained more weight than I'd like) and I have hope that I can make better choices and live in the now and move forward. Your words give me courage.